31 August 2017

1 huge habit that changed my life...

Sometime in the past 2 years, I subconsciously decided to change my life. I don't know what it was or when it was but something clicked and whilst I can't say I'm living my best life just yet, I am on track for that. I feel almost like a new person, just from alternating my mindset.

One HUGE Habit that changed my life

& how it can change yours too...

Looking back, I really feel that somehow, I wasted my youth. I feel as though I sat there not doing anything because I was too scared. I turned down invites to sleep over my friend's houses with lame excuses like "I’ve been grounded" or "my mother wants to have a girly evening". In reality, neither of those two things ever happened. I was just an anxious teenager too shy to put herself out there. I never took risks, I played by the rules and that was how my story panned. I look back thinking, I really wish I'd seen my friends more, made more memories and faced my fears more actively. Had that happened maybe I wouldn't be struggling so much now as a fully grown adult who turns a quarter of a decade in a few months? But then again, maybe I would. Life does seem to do what it wants sometimes...

None-the-less these past two years have been so pivotal where self-help and self-love are concerned. Somehow I made that positive change in my mind and my perspective. And I wanted to share that with you because if someone could have told me these things before I beat myself down figuring them out the hard way, maybe I'd have fewer bruises.

Trying to please everyone

I come first in every situation. Not in a selfish way where I disregard the happiness of others and only think for myself. Not like that at all. I have realised how important it is to prioritise. Knowing what is beneficial to you and others versus what is just beneficial to others.

I read something somewhere where this person was talking about how much it sucked that what makes us happy can often leave us judged by others. When I was younger I used to get so upset if I got told off, not because I didn’t do anything wrong but because someone was disappointed with me. As I got older this left me going out of my way to only ever make sure people were happy with me. So I wasn't judged and left with leaving people frustrated with my choices.

These last few years I’ve been living in a scenario where I’ve felt like the biggest inconvenience. No matter what I did to be a shining example, I felt like I wasn’t wanted nor appreciated. When one night I just thought, ya’know what this isn’t healthy. I will always try my hardest where I should, but if it’s not appreciated or gratified then why should I continue? Prioritising these things has changed the way I hold my head. It's taught me to care where care is necessary but not push myself through holes not shaped to fit me.

Your bloopers VS. their highlight reel

You’re shuddering about how cliche that is, right? You've heard it before though. I’ve heard it before too. It’s one of those things you hear but actually never action. People like to market their successes. I know I feel considerably more successful when I’ve shared my triumphs with someone and they’ve reinforced my pride. Human being’s love to receive a pat on the back. But, one thing people don’t do, is share their failures. We live our lives comparing what we have, where we are and what we’re not achieving, to people on social media you either haven’t seen since you left school or strangers you’ve never met. 

How does that even make sense?

Owning a home before 30, or a fancy car, a designer handbag, that Olympus PL-8 or holidaying in Bali does not make you who you are or how successful you are. 

I have been very guilty of this in the past. Measuring my success against everyone else's highlights and that is 110% where I went wrong and where you are too.

“That person has been blogging for half the time I have but has double the number of followers,” I thought. But in this age, that means nothing. Success is happiness. Happiness in how you believe you are doing. I might be jobless at the moment but I get out of bed and start my day every morning like I would if I had a job and that’s success in my eye’s. Success is not a destination, it’s the journey.

That fear of social engagements

This post is all about realising the things that are holding you back. And for my entire life, I've had a fear social engagements. Social speaking. Social anything.

I grew up shy. I don’t know what it is. But it happens to lots of kids. I watch my niece, one of the most intelligent little girls, struggle to articulate during the first 10 minutes when we hang out. She’s just shy. It doesn’t matter how much I see her, she’ll always be a little mouse hiding behind mummy’s legs until she’s comfortable again. It's a kid thing.

But for me, it didn't stay just a kid thing. It stuck with me as I blossomed into who I am now. I'd dread presentations in school, even those done with groups of my friends. I'd hate parties where anyone other than my close social group was in attendance. Heck, I was even terrified in those 10 minutes before I met Taylor Swift. I practically word vomited all over her I was so anxious. Could have been worse though I guess.

But all of those things I did regardless. I didn't run away. I could have said, "Ya'know what Mamma Swift, I don't need those backstage passes!" I stood up and put one foot in front of the other and left my fear in the shadows even though I felt like I was going to simultaneously vomit and pass out.

I’m not saying it’s all Daisy's and puppy kisses. I still walk up to the door of blogging events and job interviews dreading every step and wondering why I put myself through it. I still scroll through my Facebook feed and feel that gut dread as my path veers off in a different direction to my school peers. But the difference between this rainy day in August to that one rainy day 2 years ago, is that I 100% believe this doesn’t define me.

If today’s the day I learn to fly, then by damn I’m going to. It doesn’t matter that I’m scared of heights and not the biggest fan of aeroplanes. I'm still going to travel the world because my anxiety shouldn't be the author of my story. That one habit that changed my life was not letting my inner monologue win. And you shouldn't let yours win either.

So it's that *completely un-related* point in the post where I tell you about my outfit and you say "not Primark again Melissa, c'mon!"

Well, you're just going to have to endure it because I'm absolutely wearing Primark again. I'm just obsessed, jobless and desperately trying to save pennies for when Taylor releases concert tickets later this year. 'Cause you'll be damned if I only get to go to one show, I'm not making that fateful mistake again!

Anyway, my jeans, yep Primark but they're identical to the TopShop Joni jeans if you're really that much of a snob about my love for Primark. My shoes, again Primark but aren't they a killer pair of pumps which really transformed this outfit. Yes, yes they are.

This top, on the other hand, is an absolute steal from Everything £5. It satisfies all my childhood dreams of being a pirate. The billowing sleeves. The slits up the arms. How could you not be in love. 

I really, really from the bottom of my heart hope that if you suffer from any sort of anxiety, depression, anything that stops you from living your life, that you have the courage to make a change. It's never going to be easy, it's probably going to be something you live with always, but it doesn't define who you are, your aspirations or your dreams. You're not alone and you're most certainly don't have to go through it alone. Be Fearless.

Love Always,

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